Breaking the news

I just had a daylong date with a really wonderful man.

The entire day, from the beginning to just now was incredible. Kind of spontaneous, and awesome.

Of course, there has to be a catch. I get the feeling this guy is quite vanilla. The evening ended with us fooling around and because I felt safe and content, we ended up having sex. Which is something I like to save until a second date, generally, but hey. I was feeling it :) But yeah. I didn’t exactly mention how I identify sexually. The thing was – while we were going at it, he wasn’t rough, but he did enjoy giving me a nice smack on the ass and pinning my hands under his. So I feel like the potential for him to at least have a dominant side is there, but you don’t necessarily want to scare someone off the very first time by saying “Be really rough with me” or “Actually, slapping me in the face gets me really wet”. We were having some very hot plain ol’ sex, so I figured, why not enjoy it. I feel as though the kink conversation is one that has to happen with the clothes on, so he has an easy out if he’s really not feeling it. But I really do want to see him again, and goodness…I hope he’s at least open to the idea.

Suddenly it is a bit of a scary thing…almost like coming out (on a very very small scale). I’ve never had to do that before. The people I’ve been with (other than one-offs) have known and been game (or into bdsm themselves) before we started anything. So, it’s a bit stressful. Or maybe I’m reading too much into this and he won’t even want to see me again regardless. Who knows.

I will admit that I really enjoyed being treated so well today. He was a perfect gentleman – always opening doors for me, letting me through first, paying for everything, complimenting me (in a non-cheesy way) and generally making me feel like a lady. For a moment I questioned it and was almost cynical. I’m not used to being the lady. I’m the submissive who gets so much joy from servitude and being the one celebrating the person I’m with. It weirded me out because it is such an integral part of my being – how could I possibly enjoy a date the way the masses do? But I realized I was being silly. Because the thing is, we are never just one thing. We are meant to play different archetypes through our daily lives. One minute you’re the queen, then the mother, then the child, then the teacher, and on and on. Am I less of a submissive because I liked having a man treat me like a princess for day? Of course not.

It’s just a matter of breaking the news that I’m sweet and goofy and bashful but also kinky as fuck. *gulp*

<3 Ruby

~ by subruby on December 22, 2010.